What I Know at 60

I just turned 60. I know a few things.

1. Jesus loves me — this I know, for the Bible tells me so. It was true then. It’s true now.
2. Black is slimming, but it can only do so much.
3. There’s not much better than having a good sister. Unless it’s having three.
4. The sound of water lapping up on shore is the most peaceful sound on earth.
5. Axel is one of the best choices I’ve made in a long time.
6. Downton Abbey, the movie, is good, but not as good as Downton Abbey, the show.
7. Becoming / being a mom was my life’s richest blessing.
8. A jean jacket is almost always a good idea.
9. The Lawrence Welk show of the 1960s is more fun to watch than the Lawrence Welk show of the 1970s and later. You’ll have to trust me on this. I watch it every Saturday night with my mom and would much rather see the Lennon Sisters in matching jumpers than Myron Floren in a leisure suit.
10. Almost nothing makes me feel more virtuous than eating raw broccoli.
11. People are more important than things.
12. I snore less on my side than on my back, but probably not much.
13. Anger is often just the heart, broken, with its fists up.
14. I should drink more water.
15. Having a state of expectancy is better than setting up expectations.
16. I wasted a lot of time watching All My Children, General Hospital, and One Life to Live.
17. You may not be able to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, but you can probably make a fairly serviceable handbag. #7800 Bavaria Road.
18. My legs are less hairy now than when I was younger.
19. At some point, life is a series of losses that must be absorbed. I will always grieve the losses so I might as well make peace with them.
20. I can go three days before washing my hair again, if I use dry shampoo on day three. Four if I don’t plan to see anyone other than family. Five if I don’t leave my house.
21. If there comes a day that I can’t read a book, that will be a very sad day.
22. Blooming where you’re planted is a good exercise in contentment.
23. Culvers strawberry shakes are like crack to me.
24. I need to rig up some kind of spray nozzle for bathing Axel.
25. When getting ice cream in a shop on a really hot day, it is less stressful to get a cup with a spoon than a cone that will drip.
26. Your kids may not remember what you teach them, but they will remember how you treat them.
27. About #26… Knowing and doing don’t always go hand-in-hand. Sigh.
28. I should have said “yes” to the one boy who asked me to prom rather than saying “I don’t think so” out of fear / uncertainty / shyness / angst. I doubt I would have had a great time (do people, really, at prom?) but I regret hurting his feelings.
29. Licorice, Peeps, and Circus Peanuts are sad excuses for candy.
30. Lemon drops and Tootsie Pops are the candy of choice for road trips.
31. Reading with a child on the lap is always a good use of time.
32. Hope is my best response to any challenge, difficulty, heartbreak or sadness. Every time.
33. After I have thrown the mysterious item away and the garbage has been picked up, I will realize why I needed it.
34. Dreading a thing is worse than the thing itself.
35. Similarly, the anticipation building up to something good is often better / more enjoyable than the thing itself. Hence, remember #15.
36. In This is Us, Dan Fogelman, et al., created the perfect celebration of FAMILY. Worth. Every. Ugly. Cry.
37. You can have too many coffee mugs. Especially if you don’t drink coffee.
38. The only plastic surgery I would consider is a tummy tuck.
39. Having to make small talk kind of stresses me out and makes me tired.
40. Comparison is the thief of joy. (I didn’t say these were original. They’re just things I know.)
41. What your child will remember about dance competitions is not the glorious moments on stage in a sparkly costume but the smell of your Taco Bell breath while you were blowing on the false eyelashes so they’ll dry.
42. Life is better with a screened-in porch.
43. I’d like to have a screened-in porch.
44. When thinking about my life in comparison to others, gratitude is not always my go-to response, but it should be. It always restores a brighter outlook. My mother-in-law is the poster child for Attitude of Gratitude. Not to mention nearly deafening enthusiasm.
45. I like the idea of eating a salad better than actually eating a salad. And I really don’t like making a salad.
46. I should eat more salad.
47. Like my refrigerator magnet says, we should be the person our dog thinks we are.
48. We don’t deserve dogs.
49. There comes a point of diminishment in one’s life that should be acknowledged, if not embraced, to some extent. I’m not there yet, but it is approaching like a far-off headlight and I think it will ultimately help me to recognize it for what it is. It will require a willingness to let go, little by little, of pieces of my life that are to be shed. My mom serves as an example of this graceful acceptance of aging.
50. Cathay at 54th & Nicolett in Minneapolis had the best chicken chow mein and pork fried rice I’ll probably ever have the pleasure to eat. And it’s gone. See #19.
51. A chocolate muffin is a cupcake.
52. I will one day regret all the hours spent lying in the sun.
53. People over 50 are evidently invisible to people under 30.
54. That statement only makes sense to people over 50.
55. I am newly ticklish when getting my teeth cleaned. I don’t understand this.
56. I have been supremely blessed with those I call “family” — family of origin… the one forged by marriage… nuclear. These people are hardy, funny and unfailingly loving. Even though they’re stoic Scandinavians (except for Grammie Haugen. See “deafening enthusiasm,” #44).
57. After walking with Axel in wind, snow and rain over the past several months, I can attest with newfound admiration that birds sing regardless of weather. It’s inspiring. As Maya Angelou so beautifully said, “A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”
58. 60 isn’t so bad.
59. All I have needed thy hand hath provided; great is your faithfulness, Lord, unto me.
60. I like making lists like this.